The Top 10 Reasons I Overeat

Look, you guys know me. I’m OBSESSED with health and physical fitness and not looking bad.

That’s why I created this incredible daddy diet plan and that’s why I’m always on the lookout for tasty tips that’ll push me in this direction.

I found this thing on the Internet detailing the 10 reasons I overeat. Normally, when I see a headline like this, I’ll scream, “You don’t know me! Get out of my life!”

But this time, it seemed like whoever put this list together actually knows me pretty well.

So I’m going over their 10 reasons they tell me I overeat. My hope is that my problems are familiar and maybe you’ll see something of yourself in there and it’ll help you with your horrible overeating problem.

1. “You Skip Breakfast”

It’s true. I never eat breakfast. But it’s also my favourite meal of the day, so what I end up doing is waking up at 4 in the morning and making 20 pancakes. I bring the pancakes into bed and eat them under the covers. By breakfast time, I’m usually still pretty sick and ashamed of myself, so I don’t eat.

2. “You Eat by a Screen”

Not only do I eat in front of a screen – the TV, the computer, etc. – I also eat ON a screen.

So while I’ve got some sort of television show or movie going in front of me, when I look down to take a bite of my food, I’ve also got some kind of program happening under the food. That way, I miss nothing. Nothing!

3. “You Don’t Practise Portion Control”

Well, this isn’t exactly true. I eat in portions. It’s just that I measure my portions in buckets. “A bucket of pizza for me, please,” I’ll say. “I don’t know what the lady’s having.”

4. “You Equate Hunger and Thirst”

A lot of people don’t know this about me, but when I say “I’m going to get a drink of water”, what I mean is, “I’m going to eat 7 burgers.”

5. “You Eat For Your Partner’s Needs”

Guilty!

Dinner usually goes like this for me:

I eat my meal.

Then I eat my lady friend’s meal.

Then I eat my little miracle baby’s meal.

Then I knock on the neighbour’s door and eat whatever they’ve got. I can tell if they’re holding out on me.

6. “Your Plates and Bowls Are Too Big”

Amen!

This is my spoon:

[Image © Copyright Kevin Richardson]

 

And this is my bowl:

 

And this is my plate:

(I keep it upright and put my head at the bottom so the food just rolls into my face.)

7. “You Indulge With a Side of Guilt”

I’m not self aware enough to know if I feel guilty, but I cry while I eat – is that the same thing?

8. “You Never Snack”

I hate to snack. But it’s only because I’m terrified of having a Snack Attack, which is the official term for eating 75 Snickers bars.

9. “You Overdo it After a Workout”

I’m not sure what these people mean by “overdo it,” but I like to follow every strenuous weight lifting session by jumping the counter at McDonald’s and just eating whatever’s in those cubby holes they’ve got there.

10. “It’s Just Emotional”

Again, I cry when I eat. No exceptions!

What about you guys? Why do YOU overeat? WHY?!

 

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