How to Effectively Teach Your Baby to Wash His Face

This is something a lot of people don’t know about me. I shower my little miracle baby. Someone has to do it. He doesn’t know what to do in there, so I’ve got to soap him up and hose him down like they do in the army.

Well, the other day I decided that he’s got to learn how to complete this process on his own at some point. Neither one of us is going to want to be in this situation when he’s 32.

So I showed him how to wash his face. It’s so simple, you guys. You just close your eyes, push your face into the shower stream, rub your hands in that face area, wipe the water out of your eyes and Hank’s your doorman, as they say out here.

Well, he had a hard time with some of the basic aspects of the manoeuvre. He didn’t even close his eyes when he put his face in the water.

“Aaaaaahhhhh, it burns! The water burns!” he howled.

“Well, I doubt it burns. It’s water,” I said, trying to calm him down.

“You did this to me. You knew what would happen all along! I’ll get you for this.”

“I’m trying to teach you how to wash your face in the shower.”

“Are you?”




“That’s interesting. Because from where I sit, it looks a lot like attempted murder. Cuddle!”

He’s in this phase where, whenever he gets upset, even if I’m the one who made him upset, he demands a cuddle from me. It’s a weird mind game that he plays against himself and it’s extremely disturbing.

“Wash your face first like I showed you.”

“F&@^#@^ing cuddle!”

“Well, I think that’s enough of a lesson for one day.”

“No sh$@#$.”

I know it didn’t seem like it at the time, but I feel like my boy learned a little bit of something that day, you guys. And sometimes, maybe learning a little bit is what good parenting’s all about.