I don’t normally kick up a fuss about holidays, you guys. My motto has always been: “I don’t kick up a fuss about holidays.”
But Father’s Day means a lot to me. It’s the only day in the year where I get any respect around here, I tell ya. (This “no respect” idea I just had is going to be my thing – don’t steal it.)
And thanks to a shocking breakdown in international cooperation, Australia and the United States of America (where I’m from – maybe you’ve heard of it), I get to celebrate Father’s Day on two different days. Once in September with the rest of the Aussie daddies and once this Sunday, when it’s Father’s Day in the USA.
Knowing how important the holiday is to me, my little miracle baby made a gift for me in daycare. I was so happy!
And not only is it an amazing gift, it’s also a stunning work of art, so I thought we’d sit down for a chat to talk about his inspiration…
ME: I love this, son. It’s just beautiful.
MY LITTLE MIRACLE BABY: Thank you. I wanted to make Father’s Day USA special for you.
ME: Well, you’ve knocked it out of the ballpark.
MLMB: You mean the cricket pitch?
ME: Actually, I didn’t mean that.
MLMB: Actually, you did.
ME: Okay, well, what do you call this piece?
MLMB: I call it House.
MLMB: Because I loved the TV show House.
ME: Now, what were you trying to say with the yellow and blue?
MLMB: Well, to me, I love birds that are yellow and blue. And this, to me, is what it would look like if, to me, a yellow bird and blue bird flew into the back of a bird house and smushed themselves.
MLMB: I know. It’s like… welcome to the bird house, mo$#^$&#^ers.
ME: Moving on…
ME: What were you trying to say with the glitter on the roof?
MLMB: To me, the glitter symbolises, in a strange way, glitter. Glitter that I’ve put on the roof of a bird house.
ME: I think that’s literally what it is.
ME: So it’s not a metaphor for anything?
MLMB: Politics? Wait, don’t…
ME: Well, this is disappointing.
MLMB: It’s not what you think.
MLMB: No. It’s a metaphor for glitter. And politics.
ME: So you didn’t just try to give me a gift you already gave your mother.
MLMB: No! And I’m insulted by the suggestion! I refuse to spend another minute in this house!
ME: Where are you going?
MLMB: I’m going to sleep in the bird house tonight. Night-night.
MLMB: I said “Night-night”!