The Best 17 Children’s Books Ever

Anyone that knows me knows that I love to read.

Here are just some of the things I like to read:

1. Books

2. Redacted government files

3. Um…

Well, that’s pretty much it. But the point is, I love to read. And so when I saw this story in the New York Times about a guy who listed the best 100 children’s books of all time, I got really excited. Here was my chance to pass along my passion for reading to my little miracle baby. He likes books, but mostly to tear them apart and beat them up and call them names.

But when I read the list, I didn’t see any of the books I grew up with as a child. Not one.

“What the hell is going on here?” I shouted. “Somebody! Help!”

No one responded, so I decided to come up with my own list of classic children’s books.

A lot of these books are out of print, so I couldn’t find the covers. But that doesn’t make this any less of a list. Who needs pictures with a list? Can’t people read and appreciate words without pictures that go along with them? And what about this US presidential election? What is that?

Anyway, here’s my list of the best children’s books ever…

Happy Dan and his Magic Truck


Billy’s Motorcycle


Frank’s Crazy Remote Control


Johnny’s Last Hamburger


Don’t Ask Don’t Tell


Sharon Learns to Share


It’s Raining Tissue Boxes


Bootstrap Billy Helps Himself and No One Else


The Easter Bunny Invents Evolution


Strep Throat Sam and the Hiccup Patrol


The Case of the Vegetarian Murderer


How Timmy Learned to Jump


George Climbs a Tree and Finds the Radical Homosexual Agenda


My Flag is Your Flag!


Santa Claus is a Millionaire


Susie Prays Before It’s Too Late


Help, There’s a Poor Person in Here!

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