The Best 17 Children’s Books Ever

Anyone that knows me knows that I love to read.

Here are just some of the things I like to read:

1. Books

2. Redacted government files

3. Um…

Well, that’s pretty much it. But the point is, I love to read. And so when I saw this story in the New York Times about a guy who listed the best 100 children’s books of all time, I got really excited. Here was my chance to pass along my passion for reading to my little miracle baby. He likes books, but mostly to tear them apart and beat them up and call them names.

But when I read the list, I didn’t see any of the books I grew up with as a child. Not one.

“What the hell is going on here?” I shouted. “Somebody! Help!”

No one responded, so I decided to come up with my own list of classic children’s books.

A lot of these books are out of print, so I couldn’t find the covers. But that doesn’t make this any less of a list. Who needs pictures with a list? Can’t people read and appreciate words without pictures that go along with them? And what about this US presidential election? What is that?

Anyway, here’s my list of the best children’s books ever…

Happy Dan and his Magic Truck

 

Billy’s Motorcycle

 

Frank’s Crazy Remote Control

 

Johnny’s Last Hamburger

 

Don’t Ask Don’t Tell

 

Sharon Learns to Share

 

It’s Raining Tissue Boxes

 

Bootstrap Billy Helps Himself and No One Else

 

The Easter Bunny Invents Evolution

 

Strep Throat Sam and the Hiccup Patrol

 

The Case of the Vegetarian Murderer

 

How Timmy Learned to Jump

 

George Climbs a Tree and Finds the Radical Homosexual Agenda

 

My Flag is Your Flag!

 

Santa Claus is a Millionaire

 

Susie Prays Before It’s Too Late

 

Help, There’s a Poor Person in Here!

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