Sometimes Daddy Drinks

My lady friend is a highly principled and wonderful lady.  That’s why she’s my lady friend.  But sometimes she gets wacky ideas into her head.  First there was the idea to have a baby.  Fair enough.  A lot of people seem to do that and enjoy it.  Then there was the idea to start a weasel farm.  That didn’t work out.  We have no idea where to find weasels.  But now, she’s decided that once a week, we won’t consume alcohol.  I know!  It’s crazy!  I’m like, bring back the weasel farm!  Let’s give it another whirl!

But no.  She thinks we’ve been drinking too much wine, even though the wine here in Australia is wonderful.  And she thinks we – and by we she means me – have become dependent on it, even though I keep telling her that I only need booze to relax me or to feel love in my heart.

Well, yesterday was the first day of this once per week plan and it was not pretty.  Here’s a running diary…

7AM

Just woke up.  I can’t wait to have a glass of wine tonight.  Oh, no, that stupid no drinking policy!  Dammit!

9AM

Jeez, work is very hectic.  Good thing I have that drink waiting for me at home.

10AM

Dammit!

1PM

What does that horrible woman have against drinking?!  It makes people nice!  Dammit!

4PM

My God, I love to drink.  I love it so much.  Do I love it more than my family?

5PM

Um…

7PM

Um…

8PM

Oh, my God it’s drinking time and I have no drink.  This is awful.  Awful!  Oh, how I wish I could feel that sweet, sweet tangy grape juice splashing around on my lips and pouring all over my head and dripping all over my shoes.

9PM

Why the hell would I pour wine on my head?  What would be the point of that?  Do you see what this day of no drinking has done to me?

10PM

It’s almost time to go to sleep.  I’m almost there.  Better check the bed in case I’ve hidden wine there.

10:15PM

As it turns out, I’ve hidden 17 bottles of wine in my bed.

11PM

Bedtime.  I made it.  I’ve learned a lot today about the value of moderation.  And I also learned that I can’t wait to drink tomorrow.

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