My Son is Learning How to Talk on the Phone and it. Is. A. Dor. A. Ble.

One of the best things about being a parent is watching your little miracle baby grow and mature. My son is just becoming so smart and savvy and delightful and it’s difficult to keep up sometimes.

Case in point. It wasn’t too long ago that the boy exhibited extreme shyness when confronted with the proposition of talking on the phone. No matter how chatty he could be in person, if the phone was held up to his face, he just smiled and wouldn’t say a word. On the other end of the line, it just sounded like a lot of deep, heavy breathing.

Really unsettling.

But he’s grown out of that phase now and he’s talking up a storm on the phone!

The other day, I was driving and I got a call. I switched it to the car’s speakers because that’s how I roll don’t make a big deal about it and it was my toddler on the phone.

“Daddy!” he shouted. (He still hasn’t figured out proper phone-speaking volume…)

“Hey, buddy,” I said, so unbelievably pleased to hear from him.

“Daddy, what’re you doing?”

“I’m driving, buddy. What are you doing?”

“I ate mac ‘n’ cheese!”

“Wow!”

It felt like it was just months ago that the boy was learning to crawl, still struggling to make sounds into words…

I got pretty choked up.“Daddy, be careful,” he said.

“Why, buddy?”

He was even worried about me! My heart was melting, you guys.

“Because,” he said, “obese people are more likely to perish in a car collision as compared to people of normal weight.”

I should’ve known…

Look, it’s nice that he’s learning how to talk and interpret complicated information – like this recent report citing new research indicating that the obese are 80% more likely to die in car accidents – but I didn’t need the phone call.

“Now, son, I’m not really obe –“

CLICK.

He hung up.

I guess I was proud about the talking and everything, but felt pretty bummed about the fat shaming.

But you know what? At the end of the day, good parenting is all about being proud and bummed. Prummed.

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