He’s only a year old, but my son is already more showbiz savvy than anyone I have ever met. As he proved with the Oscars, he is as expert an awards show prognosticator as you’ll find anywhere. So it came as no surprise to me that he had a great deal of insight into Emmy award nominations.
Here, my little miracle baby off picks not only who will win at this year’s show on September 18, but also who should win as well as who won’t win, but will think they’ve won even though they haven’t even been nominated.
As always, it must be pointed out that the views of my little miracle baby are not my own. He’s extraordinarily opinionated and, some might say, downright curmudgeonly. I love everyone that has ever appeared on television and has been nominated for an award and is more attractive and/or talented than me in all the important ways.
“The Big Bang Theory”
“Parks and Recreation”
My Little Miracle Baby: Are we absolutely sure these are all comedies? I thought “The Big Bang Theory” was period drama! What’s comedic about nerds? I’ll tell you. Nothing.
Louis C.K. (“Louie”)
Alec Baldwin (“30 Rock”)
Steve Carell (“The Office”)
Jim Parsons (“The Big Bang Theory”)
Johnny Galecki (“The Big Bang Theory”)
Matt LeBlanc (“Episodes”)
MLMB: I think there might be a typo here. Matt LeBlanc is on a show called “Friends“.
Laura Linney (“The Big C”)
Melissa McCarthy (“Mike & Molly”)
Edie Falco (“Nurse Jackie”)
Amy Poehler (“Parks and Recreation”)
Martha Plimpton (“Raising Hope”)
Tina Fey (“30 Rock”)
MLMB: Does the “C” in “The Big C” stand for candy? Because that’s the only way you’ll get me to watch anything with Laura Linney in it. Did you see her staid, dignified portrayal of Abigail Adams in the “John Adams” miniseries? Talk about being off your mark! Abigail Adams was a notorious party girl with a really low voice that sounded like Lou Rawls. Nice try, Linney!
Chris Colfer (“Glee”)
Jesse Tyler Ferguson (“Modern Family”)
Ed O’Neill (“Modern Family”)
Eric Stonestreet (“Modern Family”)
Ty Burrell (“Modern Family”)
Jon Cryer (“Two and a Half Men”)
MLMB: Does Charlie Sheen now go by Eric Stonestreet? Seriously, how do you nominate Cryer and forget about Sheen? That’s like choosing a kickball team and completely ignoring that one kid that has the enormous leg. Obviously, he’s a good kicker. Come on! Also, are we sure we nominated enough people on “Modern Family”? How about the extras? Maybe that little baby? Wait, that’s a girl baby? Whoa. Woof, am I right, fellas? On the other hand… what an actress!
Jane Lynch (“Glee”)
Betty White (“Hot in Cleveland”)
Julie Bowen (“Modern Family”)
Sofia Vergara (“Modern Family”)
Kristen Wiig (“Saturday Night Live”)
Jane Krakowski (“30 Rock”)
MLMB: I like Jane Lynch in those Christopher Guest movies. And a lot of people like that “Glee” show and I keep reminding myself to watch it. But then I keep punching myself in the face for reminding myself of that show.
“Boardwalk Empire” (HBO)
“Friday Night Lights” (DirecTV)
“Game of Thrones” (HBO)
“The Good Wife” (CBS)
“Mad Men” (AMC)
MLMB: Are we still talking about this? I need a nap.
Steve Buscemi (“Boardwalk Empire”)
Michael C. Hall (“Dexter”)
Kyle Chandler (“Friday Night Lights”)
Hugh Laurie (“House”)
Timothy Olyphant (“Justified”)
Jon Hamm (“Mad Men”)
MLMB: I love “Friday Night Lights”. I don’t know why these other shows even bother to show up on the TV. What other show can churn out the same football and father-son cliches every episode and still make you cry? I’d like to see “Dexter” do that.
Connie Britton (“Friday Night Lights”)
Julianna Margulies (“The Good Wife”)
Kathy Bates (“Harry’s Law”)
Mireille Enos (“The Killing”)
Mariska Hargitay (“Law & Order”)
Elizabeth Moss (“Mad Men”)
MLMB: I still don’t understand how you could sustain a series that’s about both law AND order. Pick one and stick with it, Hollywood!
SUPPORTING DRAMA ACTOR
Peter Dinklage (“Game of Thrones”)
Josh Charles (“The Good Wife”)
Alan Cumming (“The Good Wife”)
Walton Goggins (“Justified”)
John Slattery (“Mad Men”)
Andre Braugher (“Men of a Certain Age”)
MLMB: Goggins is a great name, but I’m pulling for Slattery because his name sounds like a mixture between Sloppy and Flattery which is the secret to my charm with the ladies!
SUPPORTING DRAMA ACTRESS
Kelly Macdonald (“Boardwalk Empire”)
Archie Panjabi (“The Good Wife”)
Christine Baranski (“The Good Wife”)
Margo Martindale (“Justified”)
Michelle Forbes (“The Killing”)
Christina Hendricks (“Mad Men”)
MLMB: This is one of those things where they feel like Panjabi should have gotten the prize for “Bend It Like Beckham” so they’re giving it to her now, right? Because I don’t watch that “The Good Wife” show and so it can’t be good. In the end, though, this one is going to go to Christina Hendricks, because she loves her curves. Case closed.
MINISERIES OR TV MOVIE
“Cinema Verite” (HBO)
“Masterpiece: Downton Abbey” (PBS)
“The Kennedys” (ReelzChannel)
“Mildred Pierce” (HBO)
“The Pillars of the Earth” (Starz)
“Too Big to Fail” (HBO)
MLMB: Seriously, what’s with all these categories?
LEAD ACTRESS IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE
Diane Lane (“Cinema Verite”)
Elizabeth McGovern (“Masterpiece: Downton Abbey”)
Kate Winslet (“Mildred Pierce”)
Taraji P. Henson (“Taken From Me: The Tiffany Rubin Story”)
Jean Marsh (“Masterpiece: Upstairs Downstairs)
MLMB: You lost me after I read “Diane”. Did any of these things actually appear on the television? Are we including puppet shows now?
LEAD ACTOR IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE
Edgar Ramirez (“Carlos”)
Greg Kinnear (“The Kennedys”)
Barry Pepper (“The Kennedys”)
Idris Elba (“Luther”)
Laurence Fishburne (“Thurgood”)
William Hurt (“Too Big to Fail”)
MLMB: I did not see any of these puppet shows. But I’ll go with “Too Big to Fail” because that’s my life story, am I right ladies?
SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE
Maggie Smith (“Masterpiece: Downton Abbey” )
Evan Rachel Wood (“Mildred Pierce”)
Melissa Leo (“Mildred Pierce”)
Mare Winningham (“Mildred Pierce”)
Eileen Atkins (“Upstairs Downstairs”)
MLMB: Winningham? More like Losingham. Seriously, I need this to stop.
SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE
Tom Wilkinson (“The Kennedys”)
Guy Pearce (“Mildred Pierce”)
Brian F. O’Byrne (“Mildred Pierce”)
Paul Giamatti (“Too Big to Fail”)
James Woods (“Too Big to Fail”)
VARIETY, MUSIC, OR COMEDY SERIES
“The Colbert Report” (Comedy Central)
“The Daily Show With Jon Stewart” (Comedy Central)
“Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC)
“Real Time With Bill Maher” (HBO)
“Saturday Night Live” (NBC)
VARIETY, MUSIC, OR COMEDY SPECIAL
“Bette Midler: The Showgirl Must Go On” (HBO)
“Carrie Fisher in Wishful Drinking” (HBO)
“The Kennedy Center Honors” (CBS)
“Lady Gaga Presents the Monster Ball Tour: At Madison Square Garden” (HBO)
“The Pee-Wee Herman Show on Broadway” (HBO)
MLMB: There has been more variety, music AND comedy in the special I just produced in my diaper. Next.
“The Amazing Race” (CBS)
“American Idol” (FOX)
“Dancing With the Stars” (ABC)
“Project Runway” (Lifetime)
“So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX)
“Top Chef” (Bravo)
MLMB: Don’t make me choose! Next.
“Antiques Roadshow” (PBS)
“Deadliest Catch” (Discovery Channel)
“Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List” (Bravo)
“MythBusters” (Discovery Channel)
“Undercover Boss” (CBS)
MLMB: I would love to get my daddy on “Hoarders”. He can out-hoard any of those losers.
HOST FOR A REALITY OR REALITY-COMPETITION PROGRAM
Phil Keoghan (“The Amazing Race”)
Ryan Seacrest (“American Idol”)
Tom Bergeron (“Dancing With the Stars”)
Cat Deeley (“So You Think You Can Dance”)
Jeff Probst (“Survivor”)
MLMB: These people are hosts?! I thought they were figments of the contestants’ imaginations. Like we were all having the same nightmare, “Inception”-style.
GUEST ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES
Idris Elba (“The Big C”)
Nathan Lane (“Modern Family”)
Zach Galifianakis (“Saturday Night Live”)
Justin Timberlake (“Saturday Night Live”)
Matt Damon (“30 Rock”)
Will Arnett (“30 Rock”)
MLMB: I’ve got a baby-man crush on Will Arnett. He’s hilarious. Give him the prize.
GUEST ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES
Bruce Dern (“Big Love”)
Beau Bridges (“Brothers & Sisters”)
Michael J. Fox (“The Good Wife”)
Paul McCrane (“Harry’s Law”)
Jeremy Davies (“Justified”)
Robert Morse (“Mad Men”)
MLMB: Has anyone found out if Beau is short for something? Also, is “Harry’s Law” short for “Harry’s Law This Is A Puppet Show”?
GUEST ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES
Kristin Chenoweth (“Glee”)
Dot-Marie Jones (“Glee”)
Gwyneth Paltrow (“Glee”)
Cloris Leachman (“Raising Hope”)
Tina Fey (“Saturday Night Live”)
Elizabeth Banks (“30 Rock”)
MLMB: I constantly confuse Gwyneth Paltrow and the Jonas Brothers. Seriously, have you ever seen them in a picture together?
GUEST ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES
Mary McDonnell (“The Closer”)
Julia Stiles (“Dexter”)
Loretta Devine (“Grey’s Anatomy”)
Randee Heller (“Mad Men”)
Cara Buono (“Mad Men”)
Joan Cusack (“Shameless”)
Alfre Woodard (“True Blood”)
MLMB: “Randee”? That’s not a name. Let’s wrap this up.
Brenda Strong (“Desperate Housewives”)
Maurice LaMarche (“Futurama”)
Bob Bergen (“The Looney Tunes Show”)
Christopher Plummer (“Moguls & Movie Stars”)
Seth Green (“Robot Chicken”)
Dan Castellaneta (“The Simpsons”)
MLMB: OMG, you gotta give it to Bergen! Let’s skip to the end.
ART DIRECTION FOR A MINISERIES OR MOVIE
“Masterpiece: Downton Abbey” (PBS)
“The Kennedys” (ReelzChannel)
“Mildred Pierce (HBO)
“Masterpiece: Upstairs Downstairs” (PBS)
MLMB: Hold on, I have something to say about this category. Far too often, the work of art directors in television goes entirely unnoti– SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE…
MLMB: Did you know the Emmys had a category for casting? Casting. They give people prizes if they cast people well in TV shows. A distinction is also made between Makeup and Prosthetic Makeup. Do you know the difference? You do? Well, no one cares.
There’s also this category:
SPECIAL CLASS SHORT FORMAT LIVE-ACTION ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM
In English, please? Jeez.
“A Child’s Garden of Poetry” (HBO)
“Wizards of Waverly Place” (Disney Channel)
MLMB: “iCarly”? More like iCan’t imagine watching any of these shows.
SOUND MIXING FOR A VARIETY OR MUSIC SERIES OR SPECIAL
83rd Annual Academy Awards (ABC)
“American Idol” (FOX)
The 53rd Annual Grammy Awards (CBS)
MLMB: Sound mixing? NOW we’re talki– SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRE…
And I’m back! You know, it’s too bad the writing categories all came last. I had totally run out of steam or I would have weighed in on all of them. I’m a bit of a writer myself (check out my Twitter novel), so I respect the craft. But all these categories had me ready to sink into a deep, deep depression.
That said, can’t wait for the show. See you on the red carpet!