As a WSC (Web Site Celebrity), I get a lot of people recognising me on the street and demanding information. I’ve established myself as a preeminent expert/journalist/guru in all things parenting as well as entertainment, so these people usually ask me if I can recommend movies that are safe to watch with their kids…
“Are there any f-bombs in E.T.?”
“Is Howard’s End too violent?”
“Is there a lot of full frontal male nudity in The King’s Speech?”
As you can imagine, the answer to all of these questions is usually “Yes. A LOT.”
But it got me thinking…
These people need to get a hold of themselves.
And then I kept thinking…
These people also need a movie guide for parents to help them evaluate what’s appropriate for their children.
Hence the very first post in…
The Daddy’s Little Miracle Movie Guide for Parents!
We’re kicking off the series with The Little Death, an Australian film I saw as part of the Sydney Film Festival. It tells the stories of a several couples comedically navigating romantic relationships.
There’s a great deal of ribaldry and more than enough skullduggery to go around!
It’s been described as a date movie, but is it a movie you can see with your kids?
Let’s find out!
There is a lot of language in this film. Specifically, Australian language. Practically everyone in it has an Australian accent. If that’s a deal breaker for you and/or your kids, you might want to give it a miss. If it isn’t – and it shouldn’t be… seriously, what kind of person are you? – get in there. Me? I found the speech to be delightful. Like a sweet song.
Profanity-wise, there was a lot, I think. But it really depends on what your definition of profanity is. For example, I personally think the word “butterscotch” is absolutely filthy. If you don’t know why, then you’re part of the problem.
For a movie about sexual relations, there is very little actual sexy time in this movie.
So there’s no need to cover your child’s eyes. There is, however, a Civil War reenactment role-playing thing that happens and if you haven’t fully explained the complexities of 19th century American politics and agrarianism, you might find your little ones siding with the North or South arbitrarily.
Now, there was some toe-sucking.
I don’t have a foot fetish or anything, so I didn’t find this moment to be very sexual. I happen to find all feet absolutely disgusting, so this almost goes in the Violence category for me. Just gross. No one should ever show their feet to anyone else under any circumstances.
There is plenty of sexy talk. But a lot of it is going to go right over your kids’ heads so you don’t need to worry about it. I’m certainly not going to.
There is some seriously edgy stuff that might upset some people. There’s that toe-sucking, for starters.
But all of this can be avoided by closing one’s eyes and ears.
If that’s not available, try fast-forwarding the objectionable parts when you’ve got the family with you and save them for later when you’re alone and anything goes.
Of course, if you’re in a theatre, you might not be able to fast-forward, so try making a loud fast-forwarding sound, like a “Bzzzzzzzzzzzz fast forward fast forward bzzzzzzzzzz” so the kids can’t hear all the nasty stuff happening.
That is, unless you think they’re ready to tackle the subjects of rape fantasies and rendering your wife unconscious in order to keep the marriage spark alive.
I’m barely ready to tackle those subjects myself so good luck.
Considering all the nasty naughty talk, there certainly could have been more drugs. The fun ones, not the creepy, uncomfortable ones that Phil (Alan Dukes) gives his wife Maureen (Lisa McCune) so he can like her more.
Here are some drugs that could have been used, or at least discussed but never bother to show up:
Crash Test Dummies
I looked it up and it turns out The Little Death is a translation of La Petite Mort, which means orgasm in French.
I didn’t look up what orgasm means, so you’re on your own with that one.
Some other things you might need to be prepared to discuss with your kids if you take them to this movie:
Sexual arousal from crying
The difficulty of intertwining multiple storylines so they come together for a satisfying conclusion
Look, as long as you’re prepared to make a lot of distracting noises, cover up those eyes and ears, you can totally take your kids to this movie.
They’ve got to learn about the world at some point, right?
Rating: MA 15+
Release Date: In cinemas now
Best Age Group: 1-2; 73-85 Anything outside of that, you’ve got your work cut out for you.
Sexual Content: You better believe it. Some really uncomfortable stuff, too.
Violent Content: 2 words: Toe. Sucking. There’s also some morally-I-don’t-know-about-this stuff.
Crude or Profane Language: Oh yes.
Drugs and Alcohol: Not the good stuff, that’s for sure.
Will My Kids Like It?: I don’t really know your kids, so this is a big maybe.
[Photos courtesy of image.net]