I Couldn’t Remember My Son’s 3rd Birthday Party, So He Showed Me The Pictures

You guys, yesterday was my little miracle baby’s birthday. He turned three. I was so happy and proud and tired and still pretty sick with this cough and happy.

It was just three years ago that my life was changed forever. Landon Donovan had scored a goal to put the United States of America in the second round of the World Cup. Julia Gillard had replaced Kevin Rudd as Australian Prime Minister after a complicated process the Aussies call “PM Switcheroo”. And I became a Daddy for the first time (as far as I know).

To celebrate, we had a party for the birthday boy and, well, things got a little out of hand. At least, that’s what I’ve been told. I couldn’t remember a thing when I woke up this morning!

So I went through some of the night’s pictures with my little miracle baby, who explained it all to me…


MY LITTLE MIRACLE BABY: I couldn’t get two words out of this bookworm… I was like, “It’s a party, baby, not a library. Stop reading.”


MLMB: This guy wouldn’t let anyone else have a turn with the karaoke machine. And he kept singing really sad songs that made him cry. Huge bummer.


MLMB: This buzzkill would not let anyone else talk to his chick. I was like “Hey! Mustache guy! Let the girl talk to someone else.”


MLMB: These two couldn’t keep their hands off each other. At one point, someone actually screamed, “Hey perverts! It’s a kids party!” Unbelievable.


MLMB: This super posh lady came downstairs and danced with us. Then she kept asking people to paint her naked. Gross!


MLMB: Things got a seriously nuts when these guys showed up. I was like, “Who invited Wham!?”


MLMB: At this point, everyone was staring at me because I screamed, “Some Republicans are okay guys.” Things got really quiet. It was embarrassing. I was like, “Whatever, hippies.”


MLMB: I don’t remember any of these balloons showing up.


MLMB: We had to get this sign taken down. The 80s were a long time ago, sister.


MLMB: These guys were really good dancers. And the one with the big hair made an amazing virgin mojito.


MLMB: This guy was hilarious. Could have done without the brownface, though. That wasn’t cool.


MLMB: Oh, Jeez. I had one rule. No f*&#ing togas!


MLMB: Should have closed the pool after these clowns got in. Again, this was a children’s party. Why did these people take their clothes off?!


MLMB: This guy was either having an amazing time and toasting everyone at the party…


MLMB: … Or he was sulking in the corner. I was like, “Pick a mood, guy.”


MLMB: OMG, this actually happened?! I thought I imagined it! I know I’m only three, but I think it’s a pretty big deal that a big dog was dancing with a little rat.


MLMB: This woman was super nice. Turns out she was a prostitute.


So many memories, you guys.




Comments are closed.