Why Daddy Is the New Mommy – by Jerry Valetta

daddy bonding

I bumped into an acquaintance I hadn’t seen in a while when I was pushing baby Mackenzie in the street this week.

“So when do you go back to work?,” he asked.  “I’m not,” I replied.

The guy looked at me like I had just told him his raisins were actually rat pellets.

“B-b-but… you’re a man!,” he exclaimed.

Last time I checked my calendar it was 2005! (I just check my phone now; I haven’t had an actual calendar since 2005 and that was just a Garfield desk calendar that I’d gotten in Secret Santa). But yeah, it’s 2014 and there’s no reason a Daddy can’t stay at home.

Sorry if this challenges your worldview, but it’s time to face facts: Daddy is the New Mommy.

Besides, my options are limited, and not just because of the fact that I can’t even think about leaving my new best friend (a.k.a. my snuggle bunny – one thing about having a baby is that you lose your embarrassment when it comes to cutesy-talk!) for an hour, much less from 9 to 5 every single day.

See, I was on the inside from 1997 to 2008, after which I had to register with the federal CARE (Criminals Attempting Rehabilitation and Employment) program, where ex-offenders attempt to re-enter the workforce.

Forget a full time job, it’s hard to just get a job interview when you’ve got a series of bullshit convictions – some of which the government of the state of California called ‘violent,’ but they also call marijuana ‘medicine’ so that should give you an idea of how far up their heads are, butt-wise 😉

Before the detour my life took I was an automotive engineer and I had to work with a lot of heavy machinery developing prototypes of new cars. Let me tell you – changing tires is a LOT easier than changing diapers. So remember – don’t ever suggest that a stay-at-home Daddy ‘isn’t working.’ This gig might be a lot of laughs – but it’s also exhausting. I’m ready for a coffee break!

 

[Photo via stock.xchng]

 

1 Comment

  • Mark Waldman says:

    You’ve got to be kidding me. This guy again? He might be the worst dad in the universe. My anger is eating me from the inside. Stop this!!!

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