Outside of Christmas and Easter, Father’s Day is my favourite holiday.
It comes twice a year (because we celebrate the Australian and American dates) and unlike those other holidays, it’s all about me. Me. No one else.
If you know anything about me or this site, you know that my three-year-old son is a little miracle. But you also know that he’s got a bit of a temper and has a knack for doing and saying inappropriate things.
And just last June, for Father’s Day USA, he told me he made me a present at daycare. And this is how it turned out. (He clearly hadn’t read the best Father’s Day gift guide there is on the Internet or anywhere else.)
Well, this time, he went much further. I love the boy, but he tried to ruin this Father’s Day in 8 easy-to-read ways…
1. He insisted on watching Cars for the 15th time
MY LITTLE MIRACLE BABY: Can I watch Cars?
MLMB: What about Cars 2?
ME: No. No Cars today. It’s Father’s Day.
MLMB: What about Planes?
ME: That’s not out yet.
MLMB: This is bullsh%&#^!
ME: Hey. Daddy gets to watch what he wants to watch.
MLMB: Haven’t you watched enough fishing and truck shows?
2. While I was trying to read the things other kids made for Father’s Day, he referred to them as “amateurs” and “savages”
3. He kept saying “Get your #$^#&$# toolbox!”
So the boy made me a toolbox at daycare, which was super sweet and really well put together. But then he spent the rest of the day saying, “Get your #$^#&$# toolbox” like he was in Goodfellas.
I’ve never watched that movie with him, so I have no idea where he learned to talk like that, you guys. But it’s upsetting.
4. He made me a cupcake but ate the part with the icing on it
ME: And what’s this?
MLMB: That’s your Father’s Day cupcake.
ME: It looks like someone has taken a bite out of it.
MLMB: No, no. It’s baked that way.
ME: It’s baked so there appears to be a bite mark in it?
MLMB: That’s right.
ME: Where did you get the recipe?
MLMB: Martha Stewbins.
MLMB: Oprah Wonfrumma.
ME: You don’t know who those people are.
MLMB: Gimme that cupcake I wanna bite it!
5. When I wouldn’t let him have any more of the cupcake he made me, he kept CALLING me “cupcake”
He kept saying things like, “Can I have my snack, please, Captain Cupcake?” or “You’re a little chubby cupcake cutie, aren’t you.”It was pretty unsettling.
5. He bullied me into wearing this outfit
This is NOT a Father’s Day outfit, you guys.
6. He insisted this be my “special Father’s Day dinner”
7. His “Wish for Dad” was that he could watch Cars 2
8. He gave me this card…
And he drew this inside: