Father’s Day USA is just days away, everyone!
How do I know? Well, just because I live in Australia doesn’t mean I’m not a patriot. “Love it and leave it and keep lovin’ it.” That’s my motto.
I also know that Father’s Day is fast approaching in America because every online publication you can think of has been churning out gift guides for the last month. They’re promising 5 gift ideas, 11 gift ideas and even a whopping 36 gift ideas.
But all of this seems quaint and weak and like, well, total garbage compared to what I’ve put together for this US Father’s Day. I mean, this is a last minute gift guide to end all last minute gift guides. I wrote it, read it aloud back to myself, and wept. I wept!
What makes this guide better than any that has ever come before it? It’s long! Preposterously so!
Seriously, 761 gift ideas. What other daddy / lifetsyle / entertainment / travel / self-help site would have the courage and/or temerity to put together a list of 761 gift ideas?
That is a high number, you guys! It’s not 1,000, sure, but it’s up there. It’s bigger than 600, of that you can be certain. All right, it’s a little bit lower than 800. Could I have gotten it up to 800? Maybe. But who would believe I had 800 ideas. It seems too perfect! No, 761. That’s the right and best number for a gift guide.
Now, if you’re in the US, you’ve only got a couple days to rush out and buy these things, so I suggest you read with urgency and purpose. Don’t just stop at the first picture and stare at it for 3 hours. (Even if you’re not pressed for time, that’s probably not a good idea.) And above all else, don’t forget to enjoy yourself.
The 761 best last minute Father’s Day gifts that your father can’t – and shouldn’t – live without…
1. Theatre tickets
2. A special Father’s Day message written in the sky
3. A button that makes it look like some nasty stuff went down in New Zealand
4. Fart Machine 2. Not 1! 2.
5. A sign for the bathroom door
6. A Tasmanian devil
7. What’s this a toilet sticker?
8. 700 mugs
709. Rod Carew?! What are YOU doing here?
710. 46 camels
757. A portrait for the shower
759. A pre-owned copy of Bridget Jones’ dagbog
760. A sign for the front door
761. A couple of ‘phants goin’ at it
[Header photo courtesy of FreeImages]