The 4 Most Important Lessons I’ll Teach My Son – by Jerry Valetta

I never did that well in school. I slept through History (I can assure you – it DOES repeat itself when you fail it in 10th grade – laughing out loud!) and math never quite ADDED up for me (still laughing). But there was one lesson I paid attention to more than any other before or since.

I still remember the day. “I need you to sit down so I can tell you some stuff,” he said. But this wasn’t any ordinary teacher – it was my Dad. My old man. My pop. My JuNu.

“Son,” he continued. “There are a couple of rules in life. Always remember these.”

He was a man of few words – I savoured every syllable.

“Always hold the door open for a lady. Never send your food back into the kitchen at a restaurant.”

He shuddered at that one; he’d seen things.

“Look someone in the eye when you shake their hand.”

Now that I’m a Dad, I’ve been thinking a lot about the lessons I want to pass along. My boy’s still too young to read, but I believe good advice NEVER goes out of style – all of these things will still be important when he’s grown.

Hey – he might even pass them along to his OWN son one day!

1. Remember: She NEVER looks fat in that.

2. There’s no reason you can’t have your cake and eat it too – just do an extra 30 minutes of cardio the next day!

3. Bush did 9/11.

Regarding WTC 7, even if they HAD found molten steel (which they didn’t – this is documented by all interested parties – I can give you a YouTube link), aluminium melts well under the temperature of jet fuel (pure aluminum melts at 660C, jet fuel burns up to 980C). In addition, the mix of jet fuel, plastics, rugs, curtains etc. (think of all those different chemical compounds) may burn hot enough to melt it. We’ve all been lied to for over 10 years and there’s nothing any of us can do about it.

4. A ‘please’ and a ‘thank you’ are worth more than a million diamonds.

 

RRRIIIING! Well, I guess that’s the bell – class is over for now. Now it’s time for Dad to have a little recess (a scotch!).

 

[DISCLAIMER: Thank you for reading the latest entry in our Controversial Daddy Debate series, where dads tackle contentious subjects. For the sake of clarity, it must be stated that the views and opinions of any Daddy Debaters do not reflect the views and opinions of Daddy’s Little Miracle.

We publish these sometimes extreme stories in order to spark serious conversation, not as an endorsement of any particular perspective. When commenting, please try to be respectful and remember that being a dad is the hardest and best and most challenging and most rewarding and best thing you can be. – Ed.]

 

[Photo via stock.xchng]

 

13 Comments

  • Mark Waldman says:

    OMG I was eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch when I read this and I spit it all out onto The computer and myself.

    I feel so sorry for this man’s child, growing up learning stuff like this.

    As a father, I shudder to think of the kind of person this boy will grow up to be. All I teach my children is that people should be good to each other. I certainly DON’T teach them conspiracy theories that will make them crazy people.

    If I meet this guy or any of his kids walking down the street I am going to run the other way. Run screaming.

  • Chino Ramirez says:

    Incorrects! 911 was not a conspiracy. George bush was our nations greatest president, he eliminated the muslem threat and killef Obama bin layden. for invading our nation that day, One god indivisible with librety and justice for all. Amen. USA #1!!!!! I wish mr. Bush was still our president instead of that muslem!! We can make our country great again! Jeb bush in 2016!!!’ ,

  • Joe Saxon says:

    What rocks you turning over to get these contributors ? What kind of dad talks this smack!! I hope I get to meet mr. Valletta one day soon. Scum bag! I did two tours in Iraq and My brothers are in Afghanistan fighting for our country so dirt bags like you can gloat about 911 conspiracies and how you killed a man. Come to Huntsville Alabama You pos I will show you real blood.

  • Nick Bhasin says:

    I suppose I should have anticipated this sort of backlash against this post and Mr. Valetta.

    While I certainly don’t espouse any of his 9/11 truther beliefs, I would ask that we refrain from any name-calling and making threats of violence.

    This is meant to be a community for dads to feel safe and it would be better if we all focussed on the parenting issues at hand.

  • Nick Bhasin says:

    Also, this was sent to me by a reader:

    http://deadspin.com/9-11-truther-sneaked-into-super-bowl-by-telling-securit-1514834347

    I’m not sure what it means, but Jerry called him a “brave visionary”.

  • Joe Saxon says:

    No threats here. I just get real worked up by armchair conspiracy morons. These are people who get their information from “make believe” liberal news outlets instead of real, factual sources like Fox News. I just don’t understand these idiots. Open a bible ever once in a while why don’t you.

    • Mark Waldman says:

      Fox News is the ONLY reliable source of information. I’ve read the ENTIRE Bible, which is supposed to be capitalized by the way. Savage.

  • homemakerman says:

    Finally, someone brave enough to tell the truth. “You can’t have your cake and eat it, too” is a really dumb saying. Good on you, Jerry.

    I stopped reading after that because I was too busy giving myself hi-fives on Jerry’s behalf. Did he say anything else?

  • Robert Freeds says:

    Fact#1: no Jews died on 911. Fact #2: Jews made a fortune shorting American Airlines stock on 911. Fact #3: Walt Disney was anti- semetic. Need me to spell it out? #truth #dealwithit #topchefmasters

    • Nick Bhasin says:

      Well, this is incredibly uncomfortable.

      Robert, I’m not sure any of those things are facts, though I suppose I’ve heard that about Mr. Disney. And I’m especially unsure of what any of this has to do with Top Chef.

      In addition to being misinformed, you appear to have some sort of nefarious cooking agenda, which would be fine, except here at DLM we try to remain respectful to others. Please refrain from these kinds of attacks in the future.

      Thank you.

  • Anonymous says:

    God save this baby from this maniac!!

  • Anon says:

    God save this darling baby from this maniac!

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