Growing up, Halloween was my favourite holiday because it was the only holiday that allowed me to walk up to a stranger’s house in the dark, beg for candy, get excited about all the candy I had, then get beat up for said candy by a bunch of trick or treating thugs and cry my way home…
Let me start over.
I loved Halloween because of the costumes! I loved dressing up, usually in some variation of a sad, fat caricature – hobo, Henry VIII, Santa Claus, “fat, slow gorilla”… I got laughed at a lot and… oh my God, I hated Halloween. Hated it.
But, it doesn’t have to be like that for my little miracle baby and all the other babies out there. So I’ve come up with a list of amazing costume ideas…
Drunken Older Sibling Still Living At Home Getting a Little Too Involved in Your Romantic Life
Severe Anxiety Disorder
Cross Dressing Thomas Jefferson
Rabid Anti-Immigration Politician
Off Road Vehicle
Cowboy Washing Machine
Sexy Printer Cartridge
Jury Extra on the Set of The Good Wife
Pirate with Syphilitic Parrot
That’s gotta be about 293, right? Am I close? How close?
When is Halloween?