You guys, Diana is opening in the US on November 1, but it’s already been out in the UK for quite some time. Enough time to bomb at the box office.
After not seeing the film, I wrote an incredibly pithy review for Australian audiences that will make you rethink everything you’ve ever known or wanted to know about film criticism, but the damage in the UK had already been done.
And enough to for the UK press to tear it apart.
David Edwards of The Mirror was particularly ruthless when describing Naomi Watts’ performance as Princess Diana. “Despite a peroxide hair-job, she looks, sounds and acts nothing like the Princess of Wales,” he wrote. “Wesley Snipes in a blonde wig would be more convincing.”
Now we here at Daddy’s Little Miracle understand that this kind of critical take down does not just come to someone. In fact, it took Mr. Edwards several attempts to land the “Wesley Snipes in a blonde wig” line.
Here are 12 of his initial efforts:
1. Sydney Poitier wearing a tiara.
2. Denzel Washington wearing a t-shirt that says “The People’s Princess”.
3. Ed Asner wearing a super tight Union Jack dress.
4. Lisa Marie Presley wearing that Groucho nose/glasses combination speaking in Enya lyrics.
5. Al Pacino doing his Godfather character in Scent of a Woman mode wearing a room temperature beer helmet.
6. Mel Gibson sitting on Danny Devito’s shoulders, wearing a trenchcoat with a parrot on his shoulder that repeats “mind the gap” over and over again.
7. A rabid WC Fields wearing an RAF beret, speaking in tongues.
8. Theodore Roosevelt doing his classic “I’m a piggy; look at my piggy nose” routine in an Irish accent.
9. Andre the Giant in a Paddington Bear costume.
10. Shrek wearing a fascinator and a “Keep Calm and Carry On” midriff baring baby tee.
11. Ben Affleck wearing a Batman outfit and a Henry VIII beard.
12. Edward James Olmos wearing huge hobbit feet, doing his impression of Jodie Foster in Nell.
All of this seems a bit harsh, doesn’t it?
Naomi Watts couldn’t have been that bad.
Wait, which one is Naomi Watts again?